From Hither to Thither

This is going to be my final blog post on "From Hither to Thither."

My blog has run its course. I've said what I've needed to say and now I need to say goodbye.

There's too many personal things included here, too many "close" readers for my comfort. I need to start over fresh elsewhere where I can write freely and fearlessly. Most of the material on this blog has become obsolete anyway. I need to get some serious writing done. And this blog has become a distraction.

So, until we meet again....

It's been fun. Let's do it again sometime.

"It's a retirement plan, dear." the doctor tried to explain to Tammy.

"Retirement plan? Well I reckon I don't know 'bout no retirement plans or K-401 plans neither. I reckon if I did, it's plum sure to send my head a-reelin' with sheer discombobulation!"

Yeah. I'm not one to nit-pick, but just so we're clear, I'm not Tammy so you sure as heck better not play the doctor or the lawyer or the 'Tammy tell me true' guy with me.

Being from a small town doesn't translate into "Back-Woods Simple Folk".

People from "the city" have a habit of treating people from smaller towns as though they have the intelligence of a box of rocks.

"Here, let me explain..."

Explain what? I didn't misunderstand you. I know what Barnes & Noble, Starbucks and Macy's are. I'm also familiar with cell-phones, cars, and even them radio things. I seen 'em on the big ol' glass box that talks to me. Mm-hm...(as I shove my thumbs through my suspenders and rock back on my heels.)

Maybe people from a small town don't spend all their free-time shopping, or enjoy driving through heavy traffic, or feel it necessary to try and keep up with the Joneses...but that doesn't mean we're in need of some "edumacatin" so we can learn the ways of the "real world."

Are people from small towns suddenly research projects or hobbies for big city folk? Pretty sure I didn't relate to Jodie Foster's character in the movie "Nell" and I'm pretty sure this isn't "Pygmalion" either. So, get over it.

Now if ya'll will excuse me, I'm-a gonna take a trip down to the five an' dime and pick me out somma those nifty things you city slickers call shoes.

I never freakin' write on here anymore! I have no time for anything! It makes me so sad. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I realize that "work" is just a huge waste of my time. I literally can't believe I let that place take up 8 hours of my day. You know how much "useful" stuff I could be getting done in that time? You know what the really sad part is? I'd feel that way about any job. Americans work too much. I'm going to Mexico. Not that Mexicans work less than we do...but seriously, that whole siesta thing would SO be right up my alley.

In other news, I discovered today that Lutherans are not "real" Christians. Yeah, they're categorized as Christians, but pretty much, they're going right to hell along with all the other heathens. I did not realize this. Thankfully my coworker clued me in. She had a dream she went to hear a speaker and it turned out he was a Lutheran Minister...and, I kid you not, she said to me, "I realized that that was NOT where I was supposed to be. Nor did I want to be." And I said, "Why? Lutherans are Christians too." And she said, "Yeah, but not real 'saved' ones."

??????

Apparently, she knows about every Lutheran's relationship with God. Because seriously...you can't be Lutheran AND a Christian. That's like saying...you can be a Christian Democrat.

PSH.

RIIIIIIGHT. We all know how likely THAT is.

???????

People are weird. I realize this more every day.

I also came to the realization that I suck at parking. I can't do it. I can't do it in my own garage. Seriously. I have no spacial perception or reasoning WHAT-SO-EVER. My car is either crooked or taking up the whole place or I just can't get out of the door because I parked TOO close. There is no happy medium with me. I just can't do it. This is my downfall. Now you know my one flaw.

Oh, and I have a secret to share.

I really shouldn't share it. If my brother reads this I will be lectured to all during the holiday season. And he will condemn me for my political views.

But seriously...

I LOVE FOX NEWS.

I know. Who knew?! I almost feel violated making that statement. But I can't change it. I don't choose who I love. Fox News chose me.

Ahem. Yeah.

I had coffee before I left work.

That should explain this post.

I REALIZE IT'S A LITTLE LATE TO *START* SHOPPING.

DOES THAT MEAN EVERYONE EVERYWHERE HAS TO BE OUT OF EVERYTHING ALREADY?!

APPARENTLY.

This.

Just do it.

I could go off right now (about how impressed I am, that is), but unfortunately, I have neither the time nor the energy...but boy, if I did...

It would be one of the more memorable Sue posts.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

I'm still here.

I'm okay.

I think.

Whatever. You people are so freakin' needy.

Sharon, I apologize for not telling you directly that my address changed. I was going to leave you a comment on your blog about it and...just never got around to it. Cause I'm awesome like that. Sorry. My bad.

Froyd, you don't get no stinkin' stool. Back up off my stool, yo.

Loralee, WHAT?! You're going to be in Minneapolis NEXT WEEKEND?! No, no, no, my friend...you're there THIS WEEKEND. Because...THAT'S WHEN I'M GONNA BE THERE! Sheesh. Don't make me lose faith in you Mormons....

Joel...uh...no comment.

I'm still here.

You know what ya'll totally should do...START A FREAKIN' FAN CLUB...FOR ME.

That'd be freakin' awesome. You could call it...Sue's Fans. Seriously. Do it. New members get a free kitchen stool.

Oh, I've missed you guys.

*sigh*

People are afraid of prayer I've noticed.

We're not supposed to talk about prayer, or praying, or admit that we sometimes do it. It's politically incorrect and someone may be offended by such sentiments.

So, we tiptoe around it, offering "happy thoughts" and "good karma" and "white light". What the hankel is "white light" anyway? Like, what, am I supposed to shine a flashlight at you to make you feel better? Find your own stinkin' flashlight and shine it on yourself. White light? Good one, kids. Who comes up with this stuff?

People get very nervous and almost offended when I tell them I'll pray for them. They get all panicky and weird and they shake their heads and do a nervous head bob and stutter something about, "Uh, oh, um, nah, that's okay. I mean, no biggie."

Because I said I'd pray for you? What exactly is so bad about that?

Prayer has a stigma attached to it now. "Prayer" is what those crazy Christian fanatics do. You know, the whackos who send death threats to gay people and bomb abortion clinics. You know, the crazies who go to church on Sundays and buy Meth and make "massage appointments" for Thursday, Friday and Saturday. You know, the weirdos who condemn you to hell if you look at them cross-eyed. You know, those people. You don’t want to accept any favors from those people. They might try to convert you into their cult...or at the very least, see that you burn in hell for disagreeing with them.

*sigh*

Grow up.

When I say I'm going to pray for you, it's because I'm going to do just that. Pray for you. Because I care for you. And I do it out of love. Because I'm a Christian. And that's what we're supposed to do.

"My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth." 1 John 3:18